Pregnancy vs. The Adoption Process

So we wait. And wait. And wait.

If you read the update about the I-600A form, you know that we got word that the approval was given and the form finalized. But we can't do anything until we actually get the thing in the mail and so far it hasn't come. It's been ten days since we heard it was on the way and we rush to the mailbox everyday when the mailman's footsteps are heard on the front porch. Until it arrives, we wait.

All this waiting reminds me of the times Rebekah was pregnant with our other children. That got me thinking about how the adoption process and pregnancy compare and contrast. While they are certainly different, they are surprisingly similar in many ways. Check it out:

1. The decision - There are all manner of ways people go about deciding to get pregnant. Some decide to have children right away. Others make no real plans at all but take no precautions and just see what happens. Others wait until they feel it is the right time. Still others decide to never have children only to end up having five (yeah, that was us). Either way, pregnancy begins with a decision to do something. So does adoption. It is very rare that an adopted child just appears in your home without a decision to pursue bringing him into your life. If that has happened to you, please tell us about it! In adoption, some are convinced right away and jump into the process with both feet. Others tentatively test the waters. But it's a decision that starts everything.

2. The beginning - OK, so we have a significant difference here. Adoption does not in any way begin in the same way that pregnancy does. And since I think there are some young people reading this, that's all I'm going to say about that. Ask your parents.

3. Finding out - For both pregnancy and adoption, there is a moment when you find out that it is really happening and all the plans suddenly become very real. This is when you call your parents, email your friends, post it on facebook, or whatever else you can think of to spread the word. This is an extremely exciting time and it's usually lots of fun.

4. Getting a first glimpse - Ultrasound is to pregnancy as file photos are to the adoption process. This is a category that is both similar and very different. Similar because you get a picture of a child that is very real, and very much a part of your family but is currently unable to held, hugged, or touched. They are distant in a way. The difference is obvious, though. With the four children who currently live with us, we got ultrasound photos that basically all look exactly the same - a black and white silhouette of what could be a baby but is just as likely to be an alien or a tadpole. With Hugo, we got ten color photos of him dressed in overalls, followed by pictures of him getting a bath, playing with bubbles, wearing someone else's clothes, smiling, staring blankly, laughing, being held by a friend, and, of course, the great shots of his shiny, shaved head. We even have a short video of him. I have yet to hear of anyone with an ultrasound pic of their baby in overalls.

5. The wait - This is where we are now and it feels so much like pregnancy. Exciting stuff up front, exciting stuff to come, seemingly endless waiting in the middle. There is a difference here too, though. With pregnancy, you are waiting for a baby that is being carried in the protection of the woman's womb. With adoption, our child is living with people who are strangers to us in a land that is 5,384.9 miles away. I have no control over what happens to him on a daily basis. That makes the wait a bit harder.

6. The arrival - If you are a woman reading this and have been through the labor of child birth, please don't be mad at me. I'm not about to suggest that traveling to adopt a child is anything near as difficult as the pain of child birth. In fact, I think of comedian Brian Regan who says that #10 on the emergency room pain chart is reserved for people who break a femur and #9 is for child birth. I've been present for four births and I'm pretty sure he has those two backwards.

All I'm suggesting is that there is a similarity between the my-contractions-started-and-my-water-broke-so-we-leave-for-the-hospital-and-many-hours-later-have-a-baby associated with child birth and the traveling and hoop jumping that takes place in international adoption. At the end of each, there is a human being that is a new member of your family. I guess there is even a similarity between hospital pre-registration and application for a Ghanaian court date. It should also be noted that I am a newcomer to adoption and am only guessing what the travel experience will be like. If you are an adoptive parent and I have it all wrong, please correct me. I'd love to hear your comments.

Despite the similarities and differences, there is one matter that brings it all together. God. Our times are in His hands. The safety of our unborn or not-yet-adopted children are in His hands. Knowing that can bring us all, regardless of whether we are awaiting a little boy from Africa or a little boy from our own bodies, to the same wonderful place. Peace.